Friday, October 1, 2010
So I was listening to the local NPR station the other day and one of their little sponsor promos came on for something called “Freedom” that promised to make it possible for you to work without interruptions from the Internet.
This was too intriguing to pass up so I looked it up and sure enough it’s a $10 app that blocks your computer from the Internet for up to 8 hours.
Talk about creeping surrealism—people are now paying money to NOT be on the Internet. Holy schmoly!
I can’t believe I didn’t see this business opportunity before! For a mere $6.50, I would have happily told you how to turn off your wireless adapter and unplug your ethernet cable. And if you throw in another buck or two, I’ll show you how to unplug your modem and your router. AND how to turn off the TV — at no extra charge!
However if you want me to walk off with you phone charger, that’s going to be $100.
Because you are all my friends and have stuck with me so faithfully, despite my seeming to have completely abandoned you for projects that actually pay money, I will offer you this little tip for free. Free!
If you want to not be on the Internet…
TURN OFF YOUR WIRELESS! TURN OFF YOUR ROUTER! UNPLUG YOUR NETWORK CABLE!
For an even more amazing experience,
TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GO OUTSIDE!
Yes, that’s right OUTSIDE. Where the sun shines and the grass grows and the birds go cheep! cheep! cheep!
Unless it’s raining, in which case you should stay inside and read a book. Or do a jigsaw puzzle or something.
Scrabble is fun too.
Goodness gracious sakes alive.
Hope all is well with everyone out there and whatever you do, please, for the love of god do NOT pay anyone $10 so you can not use the Internet.