Read This and Save Ten Dollars

Friday, October 1, 2010

So I was listening to the local NPR station the other day and one of their little sponsor promos came on for something called “Freedom” that promised to make it possible for you to work without interruptions from the Internet.

This was too intriguing to pass up so I looked it up and sure enough it’s a $10 app that blocks your computer from the Internet for up to 8 hours.

http://macfreedom.com

!!!???!!!

Talk about creeping surrealism—people are now paying money to NOT be on the Internet. Holy schmoly!

I can’t believe I didn’t see this business opportunity before! For a mere $6.50, I would have happily told you how to turn off your wireless adapter and unplug your ethernet cable. And if you throw in another buck or two, I’ll show you how to unplug your modem and your router. AND how to turn off the TV — at no extra charge!

However if you want me to walk off with you phone charger, that’s going to be $100.

O.
M.
G.

Because you are all my friends and have stuck with me so faithfully, despite my seeming to have completely abandoned you for projects that actually pay money, I will offer you this little tip for free. Free!

If you want to not be on the Internet…

Turn Airport Off

Turn Airport Off

TURN OFF YOUR WIRELESS! TURN OFF YOUR ROUTER! UNPLUG YOUR NETWORK CABLE!

For an even more amazing experience,

TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GO OUTSIDE!

Yes, that’s right OUTSIDE. Where the sun shines and the grass grows and the birds go cheep! cheep! cheep!

Unless it’s raining, in which case you should stay inside and read a book. Or do a jigsaw puzzle or something.

Scrabble is fun too.

Goodness gracious sakes alive.

Hope all is well with everyone out there and whatever you do, please, for the love of god do NOT pay anyone $10 so you can not use the Internet.

8 Responses to “Read This and Save Ten Dollars”

  1. Carol Says:

    Now I’m dying to know how many people actually shelled out $$ for that. If only I could get my hands on that customer list; I have a bridge I need to sell…

  2. Margaret Says:

    Goodness gracious sakes alive, that’s a funny post! I could’ve retired by now if only I’d thought of this first. Do you think I could still make a billion teaching people how to not use Facebook? Keep on keepin’ on!

  3. lessisenough Says:

    I know! There are just so many opportunities! It’s opening up a whole new world…


  4. I have to use the Internet to work, so as embarassing as it is, I’ll admit I use a free Firefox add-on that blocks my access to sites like Facebook and Reddit from 9:30 to 6. And there’s no way to turn it off during those hours. It’s terrible, but I was wasting time checking Facebook updates and so on when I ought to have been working, and this solved the problem.

  5. lessisenough Says:

    Well I’ll admit I’m sympathetic. I’m able to go to an internet-free location and work, because most of the “real” work I do can (and arguably should) be done without an internet connection. It’s still possible to procrastinate, but if you’re not at home working somewhere without access to the internet, you eventually run out of other things to do and have to start working. And even your procrastination tends to be moderately productive, cleaning out email and writing blog posts and things like that.

    This is also one of the reasons I am not on Facebook. I already have too many things to do on my computer that I’m not getting paid for, I really don’t need to add any more.

  6. Ellison Says:

    came across your site tonight and laughed and laughed. This reminds me of the decaf versions of those caffeinated water products….

  7. Heidi Says:

    All the capital letters remind me of the Roald Dahl poem, “Mike Teavee,” an Oompa Loompa rant from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I used to perform it at Oral Interpretation events. =o]

    http://www.poemhunter.com/i/ebooks/pdf/roald_dahl_2004_9.pdf

  8. lessisenough Says:

    I love that this made you think of that Roald Dahl poem!

    I remember watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory a few years ago when I was staying in a hotel for work (I haven’t lived in a house with cable since about 1995 so I actually love sitting and watching tv when I’m visiting people or staying in a hotel, my guilty pleasure) and I was struck by how great that whole Mike Teavee thing was, with him getting sucked into the tv and coming out miniaturized. And also how brilliant Gene Wilder is in that film.

    I didn’t see the remake, decided I’d stick with the 1970s version. And I’m not actually sure if I’ve ever read the book. I’ll have to keep an eye out for it at the next library book sale.

    Thanks for the comment!


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